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The tears wouldn’t stop flowing and they stained my cheecks as I walked over to the black coffin. With every step I took, I squeezed the stem of the rose, I held tighter. The thorn stung my skin but I barely noticed it. I wiped the small drops of blood on the wooden pew and closed my eyes as I stood before the coffin. Why him? Why him of all people. Bert never deserved all this. If someone was a good guy, it was Bert. He always helped me whenever I was feeling depressed or lonely. And believe me, that was very often. People always pitied me, because I was never happy. But hey, how could I be if everyone hated me for being me: Gay. Bert would always kick their stupid asses, but now he was gone. And why? Because some motherfucker couldn’t keep his eyes on the road.

And that motherfucker, was me.

Yes, I was drunk, at that time. Even a little high maybe but I never wanted this to happen! Guild washed over me when I looked into the coffin. He looked so peaceful. His hair was combed, instead of messy. Weird.
I sighed as I placed the rose on the coffin. I brushed my fingers against his and gave a small kiss on his forehead. I shot my last glance and I turned around to walk away. More tears threatened to fall. I blinked them away and started walking towards the door. I couldn’t take this anymore, why did he die? And why was I still alive? Although I almost died myself, I felt so guilty. For Bert, but for also for his friends and family.
They hated me now. And I was suprised I was allowed to come to Bert’s funeral.
I sat down on a big rock and buried my face in my hands. Then the tears came again. I began sobbing and didn’t stop for another hour.

What was I going to do now? I could never live without Bert. He was my best friend, and was like a brother to me. You see, my little bro Mikey died three years ago. Suicide...
My parents didn’t look after me anymore. I guess they just didn’t care. They blamed Mikey’s death on me. Why? I have no idea. I guess they just wanted answers, why he did it.
Because of his crazy gay brother of course, he made him feel so ashamed that he wanted to end it all, and bla bla bla...
So in the end, everything was my fault and I had no one left.
I wiped my tears and looked up to the sky. I closed my eyes when I heard Bert’s voice in my head.
‘All of this wasn’t your fault and you know it. Do whatever makes you happy and I’ll be waiting for you.’
My eyes shot open and I ran home. I kicked the door of my bedroom open and took a heavy black piece of metal out of my closet.
I sat down on the ground and studied the object. Then, I raised it and placed it against the side of my head.

‘Do whatever makes you happy.’

I closed my eyes and pulled the trigger